Running on Emileigh Energy

Knowledge of a Parent: Part One- We Really Do Know Everything

2011-05-24T10:57:00.003-05:00

It’s so funny...I see myself so much in my son, Aiden. One of the things that would infuriate me the most as a child is when my parents and I would get in an argument and I would try to say something and they wouldn’t let me. I thought what I had to say was extremely important. They would say that they knew what I was about to say. I said they never let me talk! I never believed them.

On the flip side:
Now I’m a parent, and I understand. (Sorry mom and dad!) Yes, I DO know what you are about to say before you say it, and yes, I DO already know the answer. Does that mean I am going to let you say your piece? Probably not. I know now that parents really do know best and that when they a tell a child, “That’s enough,” they say it because they know the outcome of the situation and for the child to continue talking would be disrespectful and futile.

Now, I wish I could have told my 13 year old self that...... I probably wouldn’t have believed me either at that age....

My Generation and Money

2009-06-30T12:44:00.007-05:00

My Generation and Money: Why I think my generation will become savers instead of spenders.

Let me clarify "My Generation." I'm 28, so I think anyone in the 23 (old enough to have to pay their own bills) to 33 (didn't have parents that went through the depression) age range is about right.

Due to the tough financial times, many of us have had to deal with situations less than ideal. The tough times are not only effecting us today, but even when we recover, we (the U.S.) will be a different nation. New rules and regulations will be in place and we will probably still be paying back that enormous debt that has been accrued in the past year. We will become a nation of savers.

My generation has never had to deal with NOT having money. Granted, it might not have been OUR money to begin with, but we had whatever we want, be it financed through credit cards or loans or whatever. We have never been taught how to conserve money. Hey, I'm grouped right in there...I've bought whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, and have the credit card bills to prove it.

Here what I think happened: (I'm sure this isn't the case for every situation but I am generalizing)

If I look at my family, I can see how I got to be where I am today. It's funny how looking back on things makes so much more sense...the "hindsight's 20/20" thing... Anyway, my great-grandparents went through the depression and no electricity/running water era. Not only did they not have much to begin with, they couldn't afford to buy anything either. Then, they had children, and their children got to go through the war era, where, again, they learned about hard work and hard times.

Then, they had children, my parents generation, who other than Vietnam, didn't really go through a tough time. However, their parents had lived through all that and didn't splurge on the children. Vacations were rare and they still saved and lived frugally. The children did not understand that thinking since there were not bad times. They grew up to become a generation that had to have better than their parents. AND they wanted better for their children. The "keeping up with the Jones" began.

So then we come to my generation. If anyone else is like me, I grew up with basically everything I needed and wanted. We weren't given allowances because helping around the house was expected, but in return, we pretty much got what we wanted, so we didn't need our own money. We had savings accounts, but I blew most of mine, leaving 500 dollars for college. (WOOHOO! lol!) If my parents struggled, they never let us know about it. We were able to do all the activities we wanted and just basically was spoiled, not saying that's a bad thing =)

So through the years, the generations have created people who get what they want. Now, we are going through a time when we have what we want, but can't afford to pay for it, even the minimum credit card payments are too much for some people. We can't afford to go on vacations, or go anywhere. We cook at home and stay at home. "Cheap" things are back in style. There's at least one article a day on the internet on "Ways to Save Money" or some variation thereof. And when we can't do all the things we think we want to do and can't have all the things we think we should have, something wierd happens.....we become a family...we spend more time with the people we love and learn to save money and manage money like we have never been taught in our life.

It's a long hard road, but in the end, good things come out of bad times.

My son, the food allergy child

2009-03-25T12:19:00.004-05:00

I feel strongly motivated to write about my son, Aiden and our struggle with food allergies. He is allergic to milk, wheat, and eggs. Obviously that eliminates all the good things to eat in life. We found this out a year and a half ago from an allergy test after Aiden struggled with severe eczema (thanks to his wonderful genes from his mother) and his tendency to break out in hives for no reason. The child lived on benadryl for a good month.

I can remember the day the nurse called me to tell me the allergy test results. As soon as she said wheat, I said "Holy sh*t!" (not meaning to cuss, but it was a reflex reaction) and my heart sank even further as she called off eggs, and milk. He is also allergic to cats and 3 different kinds of grasses (which he gets from his mom and dad since we are both allergic to grass.)

It broke my heart. At first, I felt angry. It's not fair that a child has to go through so much so young. Then it was basically numbness. It's hard to figure out what to do. You look back and feel like you failed your child because you let him have all these foods that he is allergic to and caused all his reactions. The first year was just survival. We had to figure out what we COULD give him, since the list of things he couldn't eat kept getting longer by the day.

Now we have been on an active hunt for all things allergen free. It hasn't been easy. Most things you find are free of wheat/gluten, but contain egg, or the reverse. And you find yourself looking at the ingredients of EVERYTHING. You never know what's really in some of the foods you eat. Our most recent mistake: hashbrowns. You would think they would only have potatoes in it.....not these, they contain wheat flour. One more thing on the list that we can't buy for Aiden.

People always ask me well, what DOES he eat? I usually reply, not much. He is such a picky eater anyway, and put that on top of everything else and our list gets much smaller: chicken, pork, some beef (he doesn't like steak or hamburgers, but will eat hamburger meat if it's in like sauce or something), tater tots, french fries, LOTS of rice, corn, green beans, carrots, applesauce, apples, sometimes bananas, Nature Valley Honey and Oat granola bars, rice pasta (found this at corner market), rice spaghetti noodles (found on the coast at an asian grocery store), sometimes oatmeal, sometimes grits, catfish, spam, vienna sausages, broccoli, califlower, oranges, corn or potato chips.

We have a hard time getting him to eat healthy foods. He is just like the rest of us...most of us can eat the healthy stuff for a time, but at some point we just need some grease! Especially those of us living in the south. I feel like we are giving him so much processed food that can't be good for him, but we have limited choices, so it makes it hard.

The biggest event has happen today for me on this issue. I receive a newsletter every week from Kids with Food Allergies organization. In this week's newsletter, there was an add for wheat, milk, egg, allergen free chicken nuggets. So I clicked on it, and what do you know.. they have PIZZA.. allergen-free PIZZA. If you only knew how much Aiden loves pizza, but how bad of a reaction he has from it... So I found a local place that sells it and will be visiting there sometime this week.

Anyway, I just wanted to say all of this to say that I wish people would support the effort to solve the riddle of food allergies. My child is fairly lucky. I know some children that are allergic to much much more. One day, I hope they find a cure.

What do YOU Like?

2008-10-31T16:10:00.002-05:00

I had alot of fun with this today. I decided I would learn more about myself by writing out my likes and dislikes. Obviously, this is not even close to all of them, but it was alot of fun just getting it out...

Likes:
-Boiled squash
-Dancing, especially to Singing in the Rain or Micheal Buble
-Decaff Coffee with LOTS of cream and sugar
-Getting dressed up
-Twirling rifle
-anything bland
-Salt (I used to eat the rock salt that you use for ice cream straight out of the box)
-Waking up on a cold day with lots of covers on me and feeling warm..Mmmmm it's so nice
-When I have time to do whatever I can imagine
-a clean house (even if that's not how mine is all the time)
-People who do special things for you without really thinking about what's in it for them
-My husband and son, of course, those are a given....I LOVE them!
-Clean fresh blow-dried hair (I'm wierd, I know)
-My diamond journey necklace that I bought myself for mother's day
-water
-hearing stories about old people's childhood....we didn't have electricity back then...
-really fast internet paired with an awesome computer
-A day to do nothing
-An actual conversation with my mother, with no fighting
-pitching softball...even if no one is batting
-singing, even though I suck
-Pretending I'm in a Broadway Musical (hehe)
-Ballroom Dancing, even though I only know the ChaCha and Waltz
-Old home videos
-when my sister and I just sit back and talk
-A few years ago when would we have lunch every Sunday with my family: grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, great-grandparents....I miss them :(
-Warm sun in the middle of the afternoon through the car window...ahhh naptime...

Dislikes:
-Suck UPs (this is number ONE on my list)
-When people come to your office and just stand there and look at you and you are like....YES?????? Can I help you???
-People who pee on the toilet seat
-The songs: I'm a Barbie Girl and Macarana
-People who take your ideas and use them as your own without giving any credit back to you
-The "N" word
-When people tell you how to raise your children, or when they tell me how to discipline
-Baths
-When Aiden cries for no reason....or won't tell me what he is thinking/wanting (any ideas on this would be welcome, as long as it is advice, not a command)
-Carbonated beverages...I hate the sugary syrup that forms in the back of your throat
-the smell of cigarette smoke
-People who litter-specifically, people who litter with the intent that someone else will pick up....that's laziness and you are no better than anyone else
-people who think they are better than every other human being
-those who think I owe them something just for being who they are
-People who are conversation enders
-People who are addicted to online games (even though I know how it happens because I used to be one of those people)
-less than 8 hours of sleep
-peanut butter
-narcissists (learned this word thanks to TARA!!)
-elitism

Happiness Found!

2008-10-23T10:33:00.005-05:00

Ok, so this is a major update from months and months of not posting.

Life is good. Marriage is wonderful.

Warning, the following is CHEESY and could make you gag:

I have to say that I love Nathaniel Sones! He is the sweetest man I have ever met. I never knew how much I could love someone. Love of your child is the only thing that compares and is so much different than the love you give your spouse. He has my heart. When he is not around, I literally hurt inside. I know that's extreme but I just love being with him. Last week he was in Austin, TX and it was a very hard week to endure.

This relationship has been so much different than any other I have been in, that it is hard to make any comparisons. We don't argue, we are both laid back...while both being a bit stubborn, but somehow, we always agree on things. I think it just takes being with someone that has the same views in life. We always tend to think the same things. It is GREAT!

If you have not found someone that you are completely happy with, my advise to you is, DON'T SETTLE. Don't settle for second best. If there is any part of you at any time that thinks deep down...this just isn't right, then, it's probably not. Granted things aren't always going to be perfect, but if you start your relationship arguing when things are going right, think how things will be when everything is going wrong. You have a to have a good foundation to stand on.

Also, I think it is wonderful that Nate loves Aiden and Aiden loves Nate. Nate is a great role model for Aiden. He is sweet and patient, which is something I lack sometimes (ok, most of the time.) He is also firm when he needs to be, which means Aiden actually listens to him, which helps tremendously when Aiden is running around NOT listening to me.

All-in-all, I am extremely happy. Sometimes I feel like I will burst through my skin with happiness.....Ok I'll stop.....

I wish everyone the best! Just know that there IS someone out there for you, that is PERFECT for YOU. May you have the same luck in finding your perfect someone as I did in finding mine.

Consequences of Gossip

2008-02-19T16:08:00.003-06:00

Wow, been a while. Why is that everytime I want to blog, i'm always in a pissed off mood? Anyway....

I'm just upset at some things at work right now. I better start at the beginning.

Years ago, I was so caught up with gossip. Who did what? What was she wearing? Who's cheating on who? Why did she talk to me like that? ON and ON and ON.......

At that point, I realize that I had gotten roped into the gossip monster. And oh what a monster it is! It took me a LONG time to pull away from that. It is my nature tendency to be nosy. For me, it was very difficult to stop asking every little thing about every little thing. But I did it....

For a while....

And then....

Well, then I got a new job. And with new jobs bring new people. And with new people bring new gossip. And slowly, but surely, I ended back up in the gossip ring. It's like I'm an addict.

And we all know that addicts hit rock bottom...anyway, I've said too much, too many times...and It bit me in the a$$. Imagine that! What a shocker!

So, now, my job is to sit here, and become the human vault. Say nothing to anyone...

Think it will happen? A girl can try right....I need help! ha!

(On a side note, thanks to Kelsey for making me laugh... BP !)

On the brighter side

2007-11-08T09:13:00.000-06:00

I've posted alot of negative things in the past few months, mainly because my life is crazy right now. So, I figured, I want to post something postive...an ode to all the things going right in my life:

I LOVE my job. After all the drama initially, I can actually say I like going to work. I don't dread it or cry over it anymore. I love working with Jennifer. She is the greatest boss I have ever had (Please God, don't tell her that though lol!) It's just great to have a boss that is not anal HA! She is someone that is professional when she needs to be and is there for you if you just need to talk.

I love working with students. That's something that has always drawn me to the school atmosphere and something I have been missing. Now, I work in a department that gives students opportunites that some would not otherwise have.

Online classes are great! My "department" (if you can call 2 people a department hehe) is a great example of moderation. There are times of complete chaos, stress, and general busy-ness...and more relaxed times. eLearning is constantly growing, and I am excited to be a part of it.

Other than my job, I love my son. He is the absolute biggest joy in my life. He is awesome, intelligent, and makes me laugh everyday. I just love watching him and seeing how much he's grown..and oh, has he grown lol! I love every minute I can spend with him. I can't wait for Christmas...He is going to LOVE it. I think he will understand it more this year, and he already talks about Santa Claus. hehe ...I love that!

And, lastly, I'm glad to have that special someone that is there for me...lets me cry on their shoulder...and just generally understands all my bouncy balls in my head.... hehe :) To you: Thank You! You mean more to me than you know. ;-P

All this in time for Thanksgiving lol!

Let's just add one more thing.....

2007-10-04T09:05:00.000-05:00

When life gives you lemons...make lemonade; But what do you do when it gives you ROTTEN lemons, and LOADS of them?

I'm very upset about something that happened last night. I think of myself as a very caring person, yes, i'm blunt and brutal sometimes, but in the end, I am very dedicated and loyal to my friends. It takes alot to make me so mad at you that I would never talk to you again. I guess my mistake is thinking that others are the same way. There are some that get highly irate at something that could be worked out. It drives me crazy. Life is too short to go wild over something like that.

Another different but related issue having somewhat to deal with the divorce: We all know how seperation between two people go. "Let's still be friends" is something rarely followed through with. And if you are friends with THEIR friends...well, you know that would never work out, as much as you want it to. I can think of so many times that I said....I lost all my friends. I miss so-and-so.....I don't have anyone to hang out with. But what you don't realize, is how many friends you actually have...that is, until you lose the connection to those friends.

I am the type of person to have the same friends as the person I am with. Which is why I have very very few friends of my own that have been by my side through it all. (Love you Chellie!) Now that I am seperated...I am also seperate from the people who I talked to and hung out with and depended on....now that's tough!

So, now I'm going through withdrawals...I miss having friends to hang out with and people to just cut up with. I miss those friends. I hope they are reading this. And worst of all, I miss the girls...(they know who they are). They are sweethearts and I care for them so much.

8.....(

Anyway, I miss you guys and I hope you read this......

Limits of a Person

2007-10-03T14:51:00.001-05:00

How much can a person take in life? I think God gave us a huge threshold to withstand obstacles and trials that happen in our lives, but I can think of so many times that I thought "Oh my gosh, when is this going to get better?"

I can see a small teeny tiny light at the end of an endless tunnel at this point...we are talking pinhole size here....but I have reached the point I'm fed up with the current situation. I'm ready to have money (that's the biggest part of the problem.), ready to get out of my parents house, have no debt, have more time, patience....................ready for my divorce to be final......

Everyone says, give it time and things will work out, and I am the biggest believer in that: used to say it all the time. BUT I think people say that when they are not going through the toughest time in their life. It's one thing to tell someone else that, another to actually live it.

So my question is...how do I deal? Seriously...I'm asking??? I'm up for suggestions. I know I sound like a freaking mental case right now...and maybe I've gotten to that point.

I know, in the end, I will come out of this a better stronger woman. I have been in bad situations before and they have made me who I am. I am confident, independent, and intelligent. (no comment needed on that..thanks.) I know this will make me more determined to get what I want and to work hard to get it. So, in the mean time...I'm taking one day at a time....

(I hate that saying btw.....)

Blahness

2007-07-06T10:50:00.000-05:00

Ok, first off....can any word be made into a feeling by adding "ness" on the end of it? LOL! HAHA...in my own little world, that's a rule, dang it!

Anyway, I'm feeling a little blah today...actually for like the past week. Just thought if I typed it out it would get me out of it..haha! It's funny how just typing something can make you feel better. Wouldn't that be great for like stomach viruses or something?

Ever heard that saying: "Be careful what you wish for...you just might get it..." HAHA! It is so true. Just because we want something, doesn't mean it's gonna come in the WAY we want it. Perfect scenario...Ok...tired with the old job. I hope and pray for a new one, well, and more money..but that's a given. Anyway, so I pray that it will work out, and BAM here comes an opportunity. Ok, so I'm an idiot to say NO. More money...heck yeah! I was all excited. So it wasn't as much as I think I SHOULD make...especially for someone with a degree...(which means nothing in this world nowadays..btw) but it was still a significant pay increase.

Anyway, so anyone who knows me knows that I thrive off people...not necessarily stress....but more people contact than anything. I was getting that with the old job...of course stress came with the territory, but I could talk to people everyday. So I move to the new job...and OMG...how BORING!!! So I'm all bummed out.

Then one day, DING! Light bulb went off.....what did i wish for again? A new job, new opportunity. Did I get what i wanted? YES! So what is God trying to tell me? Be patient...and it's boring for a reason...GET YOUR MASTER'S DEGREE ....this will give you time to work on it hehe :)

So I guess this goes back to trusting God. I should do more of that :)

If It's Meant to Be, It Will Be

2007-06-10T18:13:00.000-05:00

I say that alot: If it's meant to be, it will be. And wow, how things work out sometimes. I think life is a good combination of fate and decisions that you make in your life. Honestly, it's hard to know what I truly believe at this point in my life, because so much has happened, even in the past month, and situations change people. I DO think I am a different person right now than I was even 2 months ago.

It's kind of strange. There was a point in my life that I thought that everything was planned out, and then there are times that I think that I am the one who decides what happens in my life...good or bad...it's all up to me. Maybe we just think that we are making all the decisions in our lives, independent of everything, but really God knows everything and knows every move you make, regardless of how shocking it is to you. I don't know. Honestly, it doesn't matter to me. It kind of scares me to think that everything is planned out, but then maybe that's a good thing. My biggest fear is not knowing what will happen in my life. Oh, to be God and know everything hehe :)

Anyway, I believe that when it involves important things, God knows what will happen. Maybe he doesn't care what kind of soda you drink right now, or what type of shoes you buy...but when it comes to your career..for example...then I think He plays a bigger part in that.

Honestly, I'm grasping at straws....cause I don't really know. All I know, is that things tend to work out, given the right amount of time. I have always said that. I think humans in general tend to be a little impatient and try to rush things to get them to go their way, but if we will just sit back, and relax, sometimes the best things are worth the wait and patience pays off.

Soul Searching

2007-06-02T17:04:00.000-05:00

I think at some point in everyone's life, you make a revelation about yourself that drastically changes the way you act and respond from that moment on. I think I had one of those experiences today. One thing I tell people is that I love asking questions and putting people on the spot. I think this forces people to respond with their true feelings, no sensoring. Catching people off-guard, is often the best way to learn things about that person. It also puts them in a difficult position, which for some people is uncomfortable. But for the people that actually answer the question, it opens up so much of that person. You learn what they like and don't like; How they act under pressure; How they really feel. I find that some people's first reaction is to say what they think you want to hear, not always what they feel. It depends on the person, but I do think that some people are uncomfortable giving out a part themselves to anyone else. I have been in that situation before.

Very few people in this world know the real me. I think this is good and bad, but regardless, it is part of who I am. I put up a front...I admit it. I am not the person that most people think I am. But honestly, I don't want everyone knowing how I really am either. What's the point in that? Maybe this doesn't make sense. But I feel exposing who you really are allows other people to manipulate you because they know your strengths and weaknesses. That could be wrong, but I believe that humans in general are always in a struggle for power and control, and will take any advantage they can to get that power, even if that means using the information and knowledge about a person against them. I think it boils down to a trust issue for me. So to fully know me, I have to fully trust you. And I can name on one hand how many of those people there are.

Anyway, what I realize today was: I use this tactic: this....Asking people questions; catching people off-guard tactic......because it is my defense mechanism. When I feel vunerable, I want someone else to feel vunerable too, so I fire off something that I know will make them feel uncomfortable. Sad thing is, I never realized, until today, that I did that. And honestly, it makes me sad. I don't like feeling that way. Why do I put others in the same position? It really scares me honestly. But the positive side of this is that now I know I do it, so I can work to stop, and find another way to deal with feeling vunerable.

My advise: Do some soul searching. Find someone who you trust 100%, and talk to them. Just talk. And when you think you have nothing else to say. Just sit there, thinking. In those moments, you will find revelation.

The Universe

2007-05-25T16:20:00.000-05:00

I think that talking about the universe and its creation scares people. I have talked about this a few times with different people, and get different responses every time. There are a number of things that I believe when it comes to this: God created the universe; God created other beings...call them aliens if you wish; and at any point in time God can destroy any of his creations.

Lets start with the creation of the universe. Right now, there are generally 2 different theories on this: The Big Bang, and the theory that God created everything. My question is: Why can't these theories coexist? I know I'm not the first to bring this up, and I know there is a name for the idea, but I don't know what it is. I just don't understand why people cannot imagine that God can do whatever he wants. If he wants to create the world in a day, or in a billion years, he has full rights to do that. I think people get in this frame of mind that nothing can be different than how it is right now. What's that saying? A day is to a thousand years, as a thousand years is to a day...or something like that. Why couldn't God create the Big Bang? He is GOD! Do we have so little faith that we cannot imagine anything can happen when God is involved in it?

Secondly, I believe that there is other beings out there. Have you ever actually studied about the universe? The Earth is ONE planet, in ONE solar system, in ONE galaxy......We don't even know how many galaxies are out there........Why would be the only ones? I think the biggest thing that I get told all the time is that it doesn't say that in the Bible. Right...my point exactly. Does God have to tell us everything? Why couldn't he create other beings without our permission? God doesn't need permission to do anything. He also doesn't have to tell us everything. Just because it's not in the Bible doesn't mean it can't happen. I think what we have to think about is that humans wrote the Bible. Yes, God had input too, but humans are not without flaws. I am sure that some of the writers of the Bible put their personal thoughts into their writings....I don't know anyone that can be 100% impartial. So I don't necessarily take the Bible literally. I can't imagine a whole universe with only us in it...it just doesn't make sense to me....

Lastly, I feel at any time God can destroy any of us. He put us here, he can take it all away too. Your mom ever tell you: "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out of it." HAHA! Mine always did. God has the same power. However he put us here, whether it be the Big Bang or something else, I can almost guarantee that how he ends it will be just as awesome. Never underestimate His power.

Men

2007-05-25T14:49:00.000-05:00

Ok, I'm gonna explode at this point. Something happened today at work...and let's just say, I'm mad lol! And since I don't really care what anyone else thinks....here goes.....

Why do men think all women are stupid? I have a freakin MATH DEGREE!!! So out of the men that I am around on a regular basis, I can think of very few that could achieve that. Do I think I am better than men? Hell yeah! Most of them anyway. Ok, so I'm a little confident....so sue me. But what am I doing with a Math Degree....absolutely nothing. I'm being treated like I'm 2 years old, and like I'm a women. Ok, so I'm a women. What does that have to do with ANYTHING? I can be just as good as a man...better even. So why...oh my god...WHY?!? Must men treat women like we are dirt under their feet. Hell, call me a MAN if that's gonna help you see me as an equal. I promise I won't mind lol! (insert whatever joke you want here....)

Yeah, women have a way of doing things...but that doesn't mean it is better or worse than a man. So yeah, I'm ranting....so what? Men do things that aren't very attractive as well. I just have a problem with men thinking that all women are stupid. We aren't. You don't have to tell me 4 times to do something. I might not do it RIGHT THEN, but guess what..i'm not gonna forget either! I just have issues with being treated like a thing, not a person.

And speaking of respect....I should get the same amount of respect that I give you. I understand that if I treat you like crap, then yeah, go ahead, do whatever you want. But in this case, that didn't happen. I am always respectful. (well try to be hehe :-P) Why treat me like an idiot? I think what made it worse was, it was in front of the entire department. So let's let everyone else think I'm an idiot too. GAH!!!!

I think I need to remember that the only person that it should truly matter to, is yourself. That might be kinda selfish, but truth is...I know I'm not an idiot. I know how smart I am. I know what I am capable of....and it's a hell of alot more than what some people think.

/rant off

Stress

2007-05-24T06:24:00.000-05:00

I think I have a very stressful job. I answer phones and have to tell people that we won't get to them right away. Or maybe we don't know the solution to their problem; that has to be the hardest situation. Regardless, it causes alot of stress in my life. When I started the job, I had NO idea how it would be. I have never had a job where my primary responsiblity is answering phones and trying to solve problems. In previous jobs, what was more important was patience, not how fast you can get things done. I think people adapt to situations, however it can take a long time, depending on the person.

I think the biggest thing that helped me in my job is being throw into it. Honestly, they said: "Here is your desk. Here is the phone." After that I was clueless. I had no idea where to start, but let me tell you I figured it out real quick! I think for a different person, it could have been debilitating. There was a point that I didn't think I would ever get done with all the things on my "list." I was just trying to survive the day. It really got to me. I had headaches everyday, and I truly believe it carried over into my personal life.

My concern is: how do we deal with stress? I think that is the million dollar question. Everyone deals with things differently. I have been told to leave work stress at work, but is that even possible? I remember days that I couldn't sleep because I couldn't quit thinking about all the things I hadn't done that day, and all the things I had to do the next day. I have been told I was not the nicest person during that time period....by more than one person, at that. That really hurt me to my soul. I believe that I am a nice person; Fun to be around, but during that time I can guarantee that my problems and stress carried over into every aspect of my life. And I hate it.

Why do we let ourselves get into these situations? I think for some people, stress brings out the best in a person. Some people just work well under pressure. I don't think I am one of those. I like to get things done and then be able to relax. I think alot of people, the vast majority, do better without the stress. I don't understand why we, as humans, subject other humans to situations we would rather not be in ourselves. (I'm not sure that made any sense lol!) In my situation, why not hire another person to distribute the load? Maybe I am being unreasonable. But I'm sure that it is true that a large majority of the health problems in the world can be attributed to some kind of stress. We all know that stress is not good for you. Even doctors tell people to minimize it. So how do we do that? I don't have the answer.

Sometimes I feel like the world is this big machine, and we are all little itty bitty cogs turning as fast as we possibly can. After so long, those cogs wear out. How do we keep that from happening? Regardless of the job we have to do, we have to figure out a way to relieve stress, otherwise we will be ground down to nothing. I truly believe this. I think alot of the problem is people allow themselves to be run over. I know there are times this has happened, in every job I have ever had. However, the biggest relief is to tell someone NO. Or at least let someone know the problems you are having. Let me tell you; If I think something is not right at work, you better bet I'm gonna go and confront my boss about. I have been in a situation where people have run all over me. It has made me the person I am. Now, that doesn't happen. I will tell you straight up that I don't agree with something, or I think that something is too much, or even if I think something is a stupid idea, and won't benefit anyone. I am not afraid to speak my mind. It took a LONG time for me to learn that, and to learn how to do it without completely pissing off the other person. I'm still working on that one hehe :)

I guess my point in this is....the world would be better if we could all be our best without having pressure from everything and everyone around us. Imagine that......unfortunately, I can't.

And that's my ramblings for the day! :)

The Millienium Kingdom

2007-05-22T06:45:00.000-05:00

I think everyone knows of the Millenium Kingdom that God plans to setup on earth when Jesus comes back to rule for a thousand years. This thought is amazing to me. One of my favorite series of books is the Left Behind Series. I truly believe that the Rapture will happen, maybe not like it happens in the books, but I believe it will happen somehow. I think it is hard to know what God will do; only he knows that. As humans, it is our natural curiousity to wonder and try to figure it out. I would love to know, but I also know that I love surprises and I think that would be the most wonderful surprise that God can give to us. Personally, I am so excited about the thought that Jesus would come back in our lifetime. I truly believe this. I think the signs are there.

What I also think about, though, is what will happen after he has setup his kingdom on earth. I know that we will be so totally absorbed in loving and worshipping the Lord that we won't worry about anything else. But who knows? Don't you wonder what will happen to your life? Honestly, it kind of scares me to think about how life will be then. Will I have a job? what will happen to all my plans for life? Maybe it's just the unknown that bothers me. I guess ultimately, you are suppose to live your life for the Lord. I know I don't do a good job at that, which is definitely a downfall. However, maybe the more you strive to do that in this time, to please him and live for him NOW, the easier it will be later. I'm sure God has a way for us to deal with not having those petty wants and desires. It's just hard to imagine.

However, I love the Left Behind Series, and the time period it describes. Those books have given me more inspiration than I have ever gotten from any other book ever. It might be wrong, but I imagine myself being left behind, not because I didn't believe, but because I want to be the one to spread the joy and knowledge of Jesus. I want to be one of the ones that turns tens, hundreds, maybe even thousands of people to Jesus Christ. I know it sounds wierd, but I think that is the greatest thing in the world. Just imagine, dying for the Lord. I know that people are afraid of dying. I know I am, but what a way to die! And then, to think of getting a special reward for being a martyr for the Lord when he comes to set up his millenium kingdom..... WOW! I can't think of anything better. I know that all sounds wierd, but I feel like I have the personality and willingness to do what God wants me to do. And it hurts me to think of all the people that could be Left Behind, knowing that when it happens, I could be there helping them.

I know that is probably an irrational thought, and that in reality, no one will want to be Left Behind when the Rapture happens. I can't even fathom what it will be like...and I don't really want to. I think that the people left will go through more than we can ever imagine. It is not something anyone would want to endure. But just knowing that even after that, there is still hope, is an encouraging thought. Dear God, I can't wait!

Parental Influence

2007-05-20T20:51:00.000-05:00

I love my son. He is amazing. Children are great. There was a time I didn't always feel that way. I think that being happy in your life carries over a great deal into the lives of your children. That doesn't mean it makes you a better or worse parent, but I do think that effects how you interact with your child. I think, most importantly, that a person should strive to be the happiest they can before they have children. If they are happy in life, have little financial stress, and have a relationship with someone that is not stressful, of course, it will always work out best for the child. I know there will be moments of stress and unhappiness. That is only normal. But I think that issues that you have can carry over to your children. In fact, I know they do. As much as I love or hate it, I see myself in my son. I see all the great things that I do, and all the things I have given to him, intellectally, emotionally. But I also see everytime I have been impatient, everytime I have yelled, everytime I have not paid enough attention. It comes out in your child. When he is in a similar situation, he reacts the same way. Children pick up every single thing you do, whether you think they do or not. I think as parents, it is our children challenging us to do the right thing. That is absolutely impossible all the time. None of us are perfect. But I think we owe it to our children to give them every chance and opportunity to bring out the best in them. And we do that by being our best. Granted, I'm one to talk. I am far from perfect, but I realize that, and I work every day to be a better parent.

Silliness

2007-05-20T14:21:00.000-05:00

Silliness...I think that is my favorite word. I'm not even sure it IS a word, but it describes such a huge part of who I am. I think that some people find it difficult to be silly. I think for 2 reasons: they are scared they will be embarrassed, or they are scared of letting go. I, however, am not scared of either. I think sometimes that makes people mad. In fact, I know it does. But honestly, I don't care. I like having fun, even when others don't. And if there is no fun happening at the moment, I do my best to create it. I like to think that people like having fun around me, because I am so silly. Some of that could have to do with wanting attention. Actually, I'm pretty sure that is most of the reason why I am as silly as I am sometimes.

I think this world could be better if people would let go sometimes. People take life too seriously. I'm sure for good reason: because there is only one life to live, but why not have fun while you are here. What is the point in getting stressed out and being a..... to each other? That only makes it worse for you and everyone around you. I truly believe no one wants to act like that, and I know that I would prefer people not act like that around me. I have no desire to deal with people who can't have as much fun as I can. I understand that life is not all fun and games....but wouldn't that be great?

Control

2007-05-20T13:58:00.000-05:00

Why is it that people feel the need to know everything? I mean, i know people that will go crazy if you don't tell them something they want to know. Honestly, I am the same way, but I don't understand it. What is the fascination we have with that? I know that some people are control freaks. I admit. I am one of them, but that still does not explain why such little things can drive me crazy.

For example, I am talking to someone, and they start to say something, then say nevermind. I know this is something they don't want to say, but I can't help but know. And even if I ask, and they don't tell me, it will drive me absolutely insane. I will always wonder what it was. Thing is, I don't understand why. Why do I need to know that? Is my need for control and power so great that I have to understand everything in the world, even if that means prying into someone else's personal and private life? I would hope not, but I know that it has happened.

I think that everyone has something in their life that is their vice. I know what mine is: Control. I want to be in control of everything. EVERYTHING. It is hard for me to think that someone else can effect my life. I know it happens, but I don't like it. I want to be the one to control my life, to decide. I know that is not possible though. I know that people say that you are in control of your own destiny, but in reality, I don't think that is entirely true. I think that yes, you are in control of your decisions in life, but I think that is where it ends. There will always be outside forces that play a factor and can drastically change your life, even when you don't want it to. For instance, I was recently in a car accident, where i was taken to the hospital and had a broken tailbone and an abdominal contusion. Ok, well I lived, yes, but something like that can drastically change your life. Now, I have doctor bills, which in turn means, i have to spend extra time talking to insurance companies and extra money on bills, which could have been spent on any number of other things. Did I choose that? No. But It happened, and was completely out of my control, and I hate it. However, I do think that situations change people. Decisions I make now are not the same ones i would have made if the wreck would have never happened. It definitley gives you a different outlook on life. Anyway, i'm getting off topic :)

I think ultimately that we are all missing something in our lives. And each person reacts and responds differently to this. Maybe I feel the need to know and control everything because there are things that are out of my control, and by controlling the little things, then i am satisfying that need the only way i know how. I think that other people act out in anger and violence, or maybe they get depressed. Maybe it just boils down to needing attention. Who knows. Maybe it is just my inquisitve mind that always wants to know more, and therefore gets upset when i am told i can't. I guess ultimately, a person cannot know everything, or that person would be God, right? That's something to think about, but it still doesn't help the situation :) Maybe the way to deal with it, is basically letting the other person "win," and taking the attitude that maybe that will give them some control that they are needing....I'm not sure that I can do that....